It’s easy to come to the conclusion that people with means and high cultural status choose things that are better.
Organic vegetables instead of junk food.
But there’s a long history of traditionally high-status cultural roles embracing demonstrably un-good choices. Things like bound feet, fox hunting, absinthe or cruise ships.
It’s hard to acknowledge that a choice we make isn’t a good one. But it might be, even if it raises our status.
“I’m applying to work at Disney, do you know anyone who can give me a reference…”
“My two partners and I are planning a new company, can we ask you for feedback on our business plan before we go out to raise a seed round?”
“We’re moving to Centerville, which neighborhood should we consider?”
“Which famous college should I apply to?”
These are fine questions to ask. But they might be concealing the questions we need to ask first.
Thanks to the hype bubble, plenty of would-be entrepreneurs have decided that a real business needs VC funding. Some of the most fun you can have starting a business is hanging out with your partners, pre-business, brainstorming ideas, and the natural next step seems to be running the project as a team, as partners. Applying to jobs at famous companies feels like a safe thing to do. And moving to a town your friends admire feels like a smart move…
Except maybe you shouldn’t have partners. Maybe your business shouldn’t be investor backed. Maybe you’d be happier in an apartment in a city, or living overseas for a year…
Perhaps you should consider a gap year, or find a less famous but more effective university… or spend the time and money to learn a trade instead.
Before you start arranging the candles on the cake, it might pay to think about what flavor cake you’re going to get, whether you’re going to bake it yourself or whether there should be a cake (or a surprise party) at all… Once you fall in love with a future that has a cake in it, you’ve closed the door to all the other options.
Too much choice can be paralyzing, but too much choice is also a rare moment of freedom, a moment where it might pay to pause for a moment before backing into the obvious next steps. It turns out that just a few minutes spent reconsidering those obvious next steps can change everything for the better.
Here’s the actionable tactic: When presented with these moments of freedom, don’t simply articulate one plan needing improvement. Instead, find the time to create three different plans, plans that don’t overlap at all. Can you refine and improve each one enough that you’d be happy randomly choosing any one of them? Because by the time you’ve built out three independent plans, it’s quite likely you’ll have discovered the right path.
When we win by having someone else lose, we set up a conflict. It’s clear, direct but not generative.
But when we win by confronting our fear, everyone benefits.
Often, people who choose to battle others are actually better off looking at their fear instead.
Our biggest commitments, the things we are most dedicated to, rarely pay us back in equal measure.
That might be the point.
Convenience is seductive, and we trade precious things away for it all the time.
Part of the reason it dominates our lives is that we only consider the cost once. After that, it continues to remind us of the benefits–the time and hassle and decisions we save.
But convenience can cost us. Our humanity, our health, our well-being, our connection to others and to what we truly care about.
Even if it’s a habit, it might be worth reminding ourselves of what we’ve given up in exchange.
“Work worth doing” is another way to say inconvenient.
This is the quickest and most direct way to manage. In the short run, compliance is predictable and might even be effective.
Over time, it’s always outdone by the generative and resilient alternative of, “because it’s the course that most effectively helps us achieve our shared objectives.” That opens the door to the brains and hearts of the community, and is also the way toward better.
Weak leaders (bosses, parents, captains and shift managers) resort to authority because they don’t trust themselves and their team enough to actually lead.
On an airplane, we notice even tiny changes in acceleration (including direction) but we’re completely unaware that we’re traveling at hundreds of miles an hour.
“Compared to what” is the unstated question that we ask ourselves, all the time.
Consumers, employees and peers are unlikely to think about what’s already a given. It’s the changes we notice.
Start where you are.
Start with what you’ve got.
Start now.
Now is the perfect moment. It only feels ‘fast’ if we’re rushing.
Don’t rush. But act.
With deliberate progress.
The next dish.
It might be better than the one you have now.
The presence of the next dish, its possibility, corrodes our experience. “Compared to what?” keeps needling us.
The next email, the next text, the next blog post.
It arrives, unbidden, unasked for. Here it comes.
Next.
Like Lucy in the chocolate factory, we’re trained to simply focus on next.
Which is rarely as satisfying as now.
Perhaps this metaphor will help:
Nails are the easiest to use and require the least skill.
Glue can make a more solid bond, but it’s often a one-way commitment–you can’t undo it without damage.
And screws are the most resilient. They require good judgment in their selection and skill in their application. They create a powerful bond but can also be undone without a lot of fuss.
Often, we build our projects with nails. Sometimes, we commit and use glue. But screws often yield the best productivity in the long run. They’re not easier, but they might be better.
